Sanity | The Bright Side

I’ve learned a lot as a mom of four kids, but one thing I continue to learn is how to find calm in the constant clutter. It seems impossible, but it’s really a mindset.

Ahh…the baby nursery. Such a sweet, picture-perfect room – not the case in my home. None of my kids have ever had a complete, finished nursery. But honestly, who cares? Here’s my 2-year-old’s room before clean up time. Does it make you anxious? I’ve learned the ability of “chipping away” at the mess and not trying to tackle it all at once. Mind over matter. The clean room lasted one day, maybe two. Such is life.

We try and control our atmosphere, our home environment and even our kids. But it’s really about getting control of our thoughts and emotions in the midst of chaos. Raising kids, multiple kids is chaotic and until we can find peace in the midst of it – we’ll drive ourselves crazy.

With each child I’ve been blessed with, I’ve also been blessed with the ability to let go of any expectations when it comes to a clutter-free home. It didn’t come easy and I still wrestle with my expectations, but for the most part, I win. I don’t have a Pottery Barn-catalog home, and I won’t until my kids are grown and out of the house. I’m okay with this – to a degree. I remember having my first child and how organized I was with a few toys and handful of books in our 1500 square foot home in Queens, NY. I bought these great leather cube organizers (Pottery Barn of course,) which served three purposes in one – ottoman, table and toy-hider. They were great until we had more kids. Then it was a free-for-all and those cute little ottoman toy hiders couldn’t do the trick. I then pulled out a label maker and went crazy labeling toy bins. That worked — for a minute. I added more bookshelves to the kids’ rooms and still books piled up. I bought clear plastic containers to shove under beds, but still the stuff seemed to overtake my home. With four kids it’s a constant battle with the stuff – toys, clothes, books, crafts, school papers – you name, they have it or bring it home. It can overwhelm the most organized mom to a point where she’s melting down, going on a rampage with a garbage bag in hand threatening to throw away ALL the toys in the house. I’ve been that mom, and I’m sure I’ve scarred my kids for life. Thankfully kids are resilient, and they’ll get over it. Or they’ll seek counseling when they’re adults and then have their own kids and know what the heck it’s like. Either way, finding calm in the clutter comes down to a mindset. It’s like those sayings, “You have to pick your battles,” or “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.” Don’t allow stuff to control your atmosphere and therefore your emotions.

My son has the best room in the house. Although by the looks of this, it’s one of the messiest. I’ve tried several times to donate that batman house on the floor. His dresser has been without drawer pulls for at least two years. Maybe that’s why he constantly leaves his clothes on the floor. Alas, we did tidy up his room and it was a breath of fresh air – for a day.

Here’s the deal – when we add more kids to our families, we add more stuff. It’s inevitable. The key is how do we handle all of the stuff without making ourselves or our kids crazy. This isn’t an article on how to best organize your stuff. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know the basics of organizing: sort, categorize, trash, giveaway, quit buying, and teach our kids how to clean up after themselves. These are key sanity savers, but training our mind and emotions to find peace IN the clutter isn’t some organizing technique we check off our to-do list. It’s a state of mind and requires us to use our mental and spiritual muscles. As a mom who is a Christian, I’m constantly relying on God in these chaotic and cluttered moments. He’s my strength, my peace and my joy. Even just taking deep breaths and reaching for peaceful thoughts instead of anxious thoughts helps me to stay steady in the storm.

The kids “playroom.” Not quite what I envisioned, but as with most of the rooms in my home, it’s a work in progress. And it may not be complete until they’re all grown up.

The best tip I can give is manage your thoughts and emotions in the midst of the clutter. Don’t let the desire for a clutter-free home control you. Give yourself grace and freedom to enjoy the moments and don’t always rush to clean them up.

Stay tuned for Calm In The Clutter – Part Two. It does get aesthetically better.

I talk to myself. Don’t worry. It’s not in the need-to-be-worried-because-I’m-crazy-way. No, it’s more about pumping myself up for the task at hand. Let’s face it. Motherhood is a tough job and one that on somedays I’d like to quit. Or at least take a leave of absence. Okay, well maybe I just want a long, paid vacation. Right. And since that’s not going to happen anytime soon, I’ve realized I need ways to keep myself positive and stay sane. Hence the talking to myself. I’m like a cheerleader in my head.

I call these talking points, Mommy Mantras.

They’re the positive thoughts and phrases I recite to myself. The life-giving Bible verses I memorized 20 years ago. The uplifting song lyrics I sing. The recordings in my head I cling to like a life preserver to keep me afloat.

Our minds are powerful and what we say to ourself matters. What are your Mommy Mantras? What do you say to yourself when your child is losing it and you’re trying not to? Or when you’re feeling down and not sure why. How do you pick yourself up, mentally?

Here are some of my most-used Mommy Mantras. I bet we have many in common, but I guarantee you have a few I’d love to hear. Please share with the rest of us in the comments below.

Here’s to talking to ourselves, keeping our sanity and loving every minute of it!

IT’LL TURN UP

I’m a mom of four kids, which means in my house, we lose things. Lot’s of things. I say it’ll turn up almost every day. Even the kids say it. And then my next saying to myself is, I’ll buy another one. This is the reason I have eight pairs of scissors, five brushes, a handful of Scotch tape rolls and four staplers. When I say to myself, it’ll turn up, I remind myself it’s not a big deal and eventually the lost item will turn up. I let it roll off my back and this eases my anxiety and frustration – most of the time.

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES

In a fast-paced, overly-scheduled world, how often do we stop and smell anything? At least anything that smells good. When I’m pushing the stroller, or walking the dog, I’ll remind myself to stop and smell the roses. I don’t really smell any roses (unless there are some around,) but I do slow down and take in my surroundings. If there’s a fragrant flower around, that’s just a bonus.

LIFE IS GOOD

My husband and I tell each other this often. When we’re stressed out over the little things, we remind each other that life IS really good and we need to chill out. Life is a roller coaster with ups, downs and all arounds. If we can’t relax and enjoy the ups, then how the heck will we get through the downs, because there will be downs. A daily reminder – life is good.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

How much of what we get anxious about is small stuff? For me – it’s a lot! What if our ability to handle anxiety is like a muscle we can work out? If we work it out and train it, it’ll be a lot stronger for the things which really matter. Experiencing the small things, which use to make us anxious will be like lifting feather weights. Then when it comes to the big stuff, we’ll be ready. So when some little annoying thing happens, tell yourself, don’t sweat the small stuff.

DON’T MAKE A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLE HILL

Are you surrounded by a mountain range? Have you forgotten how to prioritize the stressors in life? I’d much rather face a mole hill than a mountain. Stop making a big deal out of everything. (I’m talking to myself.)

LET IT GO

This isn’t just for Elsa. When we tell ourselves to let it go, we can diminish a lot of our irritations in the day. Why hold onto something that just brings us down?

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY

I think there’s an anti-stress theme here. Why worry when you can choose to be happy? Easier said than done, but still a great reminder and a great song.

A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING, AND EVERYTHING IN IT’S PLACE

This mantra helps keep me organized. Everything in the house needs a home. When I take my tennis shoes off, I put them back in their shoe slot. When I use the scissors, I put them back in the kitchen drawer. If only my kids would do the same thing, I wouldn’t have to rely on the it’ll turn up mantra because nothing would get lost.

IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT’LL WORK OUT

I probably heard this for the first time from my own mother. She’s always had a positive attitude about life’s decisions and how to make them. I want to pass this along to my own kids and teach them if it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

What a great reminder. Whatever the circumstance, it’ll pass. Time is a gift in that way. Nothing stays the same.

IT’S JUST A SEASON

This is more of a running joke in my home. When I was first married or had my first child, it was easy to say in rough circumstances, it’s just a season believing that around the corner, things would slow down or get easier. Fast forward 12 years, I’ve realized every season is full and there isn’t a season anytime soon where life gets easier. It’s all in perspective and my reactions to the seasons of life.

JUST BREATHE

I tend to say this one to myself in the car. Maybe because I have a few moments by myself when I’m not chauffeuring kids around. I tell myself to just breathe and then literally take a few deep breaths. How often do you focus on your own breathing? Thank God it’s not up to me to remember to breathe because I’d forget!

JUST DO IT

Yeah yeah…Nike coined the phrase, but we make it happen in our lives. We teach our kids to just do it, and we hopefully show them by our actions how it’s done. Whatever dream you’re holding back on because of fear, let it go and just do it. That’s a twofer.

NO PAIN, NO GAIN

I use this one at the gym. When I don’t want to do another squat or sit up – I say no pain, no gain. Results don’t come easy and pain is part of the process.

LIFE IS SHORT

This is my favorite mantra. It’s easy to get caught up in the day’s events and think we’re invincible. But we’re not. Not to sound morbid, but our days are numbered and frankly, we don’t know when our last day will be. When we get stressed out, we have to remind ourselves life is short. How often have we heard older moms remind us to enjoy it because it goes by fast? Do you know one day we’re going to be that mom who tells the younger mom with a screaming toddler to enjoy it because it goes by fast? She might roll her eyes after we walk away, but she’ll get to the point when she realizes it’s true. So the next time you’re postponing an outing with your child or are too tired to go in and say goodnight, remind yourself life is short. Savor every moment while we can.

PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7

This is my daily, go-to Mommy Mantra. If I had wheel ruts in my brain for every good train of thought that rides by, this Bible verse has made the deepest ruts and is a well-traveled road.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Who doesn’t want peace in their world? What mom doesn’t want to “not be anxious about anything?”

Whichever mommy mantras you use to get you through your days, keep it up. Combat the negative thoughts with positive ones. Thankfully every day is a new day and a fresh start! Maybe I’ll add that to my mommy mantra list.