I have four kids and I sometimes wonder – at what point in my life did I think this was a good idea? I mean seriously. Four kids, four schools, one or more after-school activities per child. What the heck was I thinking?! I’m freaking exhausted in all facets of life. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change my life for anything. I am grateful for my kids, and I can’t believe God chose me to be their mom. But what was He thinking?!
A month ago it dawned on me, a Scripture verse I’ve clung to for 16 years, has a new meaning as I struggle with the details of four kids. This happens sometimes, right? You read a Bible verse out of the circumstance you’re in at the time, and it speaks to you one way, and then you read the same verse years later and the Holy Spirit applies this verse to your life in a new way. Example –
Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
When I was doing public relations for an inner-city ministry, I often asked ask myself, was the project I was doing a work God prepared in advance for me to do? Because if it wasn’t, I didn’t want to waste my energy on it. I’d experienced the repercussions of doing things out of my own self effort and I was not going to put myself through it again. When it comes to motherhood though, it’s only been in the last month I realized this verse applies to my job as a mom. I use to think the works God prepared in advance for me to do were cool, life-changing works like writing a book one day, or becoming a public speaker, or starting a Bible study. Things I viewed as having great purpose. I never looked at my job as a mom, the daily grind of herding these four sheep, as one of those good works He prepared in advance for me to do. I just saw it as a path in life many decide to take and we do the best the we can while doing some other amazing work God created us for. When I connected the dots that being a mom is one of these works God’s prepared in advance for me to do, my initial reaction was resentment. I thought, really God? This tedious, often thankless job as a mom, which by the way I feel like I’m drowning half the time, is one of those good works you’ve prepared in advance for me to do? Is this all I will do for the rest of my life? I mean by the time my youngest goes to college I’ll be almost 60 years old. I want to do something more. Something that’s going to change lives. Something that makes a difference in the world. How can I do that when I’m up to my eye balls in mom stuff? And then it hits me right between the eyes. If God has prepared in advance the good work of raising four kids, then He’s created this work especially for me and therefore it has divine purpose. Plus He’s equipped me to do it, therefore I can do it. Maybe I need to shift my thinking and realize being a mom is one of those cool works.
I’m sure we’ve all heard the sugary-sweet message, from the happy glowing mom, how being a mom is the greatest, most important job on earth and how much they love being a mom. When I hear this I feel guilty because I don’t relate. I don’t always like being a mom. (gasp!) More often than not, moms like me lose sight of our mighty purpose because all we see and feel are the daily demands of dirty laundry, groceries, doctors appointments, school activities, dinner preps, home lunches, kids’ clutter, bedtime routines and the list goes on and on. It can be a thankless job. Life as we knew it has been sucked out of us and we’re a shell of the person we use to be. We try and convince ourselves to be happy because the reality is we are very blessed to be moms and we want to love our jobs. The beauty, and frankly the saving grace I find lately, is reminding myself God is in it with me. I’m not alone. He’s my boss. He truly has prepared this good work for me to do and He’s equipped me to do it. Even when I feel like a crappy mom and I want to quit my job, He’s not a quitter and He won’t give up on me. And He won’t give up on the dreams I have of good works I will do in the future.
As I face my day and tackle my to-do list, instead of grumbling about how hard this job is and how long I have to go until my kids are in college, I’m going to remind myself and God, this is a work He prepared in advance for me to do. I will do it with a more hopeful, thankful and happy heart, truly believing I do have one of the most important jobs on earth. Now what’s the vacation policy?
What you are doing now will be gone in the blink of an eye. You will look lovingly at those empty beds and wish they were full again. The job you are doing now is more important than anything else you will ever accomplish in your life. No one remembers who was the President of Chrysler in 1994 but everyone remembers their mom.
Time will erase the hard times and leave you with soft sweet memories of the best times.
Enjoy the ride.
Thank you Janis for the thoughtful comments and reminders! I hear often how fast this time will fly and to enjoy it while it lasts. I definitely try and remind myself of this in those stressful, exhausting moments. Thanks so much for reading this post and giving feedback!
I am in a very different point of life than you are. I am now a grandmother, but your words really encouraged me. My husband has Alzheimer’s and sometimes it’s really hard to care for all the same things every day. And I think I should be doing some great work for God but I know in my heart that this is what he has for me to do at this time.
Hi Claudia! So great to hear from you, and thanks for sharing about your husband. I’m sad to hear he has Alzheimers. What a blessing he has you there with him. I’m glad my words encouraged you in this season of your life. You’re doing a great work and important work there. You’re so gifted and God has used your gifts in so many ways throughout these years. He knows your heart and what a kind heart you have. Love to you and Richard!
Thanks, Bright, for the boldness you show in your honesty!
What a great revelation! I think we often think “our calling” is a certain type of job or achievement, but that would mean that we are only operating in our calling 5 days a week and only until certain hours! I think our calling is to walk closely to the King of Kings, drawing our deepest sense of identity in Him and displaying His truth, love and grace to all those in our lives. So, no matter what kind of work fills our days, we approach it with a “full cup.” But Lord knows that that is easier said than done! Especially when the world values other things WAY above motherhood. It’s a job without glamour or recognition, but when I really think about what I could be doing with my time that would be more meaningful, I come up short.
Sometimes I’ve wondered if I am too selfish for a job that requires an INSANE amount of service and selflessness but at this retreat I just went to, love was lavished upon me by God’s children, who were serving me with the most authentic joy and I came back practicing joyful service to my kids–and it has been fun! I realized that service is love. And if it is done in a spirit of love, with nothing expected in return, and our cup of identity is full in the Lord, then it feels more like a joy and less like a burden. And the kids seem to feel the difference, on some level. But I just got back! You are welcome to hold me accountable to this revelation–haha!
Anyway, I’m glad we are in this together!
Love you (and thank you for your beautiful and encouraging letter)
Hey my friend! Thanks for the amazing comments. If anyone can relate as far as four kiddos, you can! I can’t wait for us to have coffee and talk more about this full cup, a heart of service and a less burdened feeling/attitude. Keep up the great, and important work!
Love this! Great writing. I like to think that God is using us as parents to shape our Christian children to change the world. We may feel insignificant at our mom job, but our parenting is very important for God’s future plan.
Xoxo
Hey my sister! You’re absolutely right! He knows the plans He has for our kids and He’s given us the privilege to be a part of His plan. I just have to remind myself of that when I want to pull my hair out at times.